


Let's Be Cynical Together

by SolluxanderCaptr



Series: Undertale/Homestuck Crossover [1]
Category: Homestuck, Undertale
Genre: I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE ORGINAL IM SO SORRY, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, mentions of terezi karkat jade and john, mentions of toriel sans and papyrus, rating is for cursing and
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 20:22:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5178392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolluxanderCaptr/pseuds/SolluxanderCaptr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In all his sweeps, Sollux never knew he would find someone like him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let's Be Cynical Together

Sollux didn’t know how he ended up here, but he did know it was Jade’s fault. Damn that human and her godtier powers. Damn him for giving into Terezi’s incessant begging to come with her and Karkat and the humans on a trip. Damn that stupid John and his dare, and most of all goddamn that stupid mountain with its stupid cave with a stupid hole.

Damn it all.

Sollux wished he wasn’t as prideful as he was, because then he wouldn’t be in this mess. John had dared him to walk a few “yards” (what the fuck were those even) into the cave and when he had gotten not even a bit far into it, he fell through a hole and got knocked out. When he woke up, he was in a house with a really weird looking lusus-looking creature who called herself Toriel.

She had shown him around her house, and then to the outside. When he walked out of the house, nothing seemed familiar. He met a couple of skeletons, who told him the way he fell through was very far. In that instance it made sense to Sollux to just wander along until he found an exit. He recalled the shorter of the two saying there was such a place, but he’d have to go very, very far to get to it. Sollux frowned at this, but decided not to complain. Not out loud, at least.

He remembered Toriel’s words as she left; ‘I’ve got to go, but I’m sure you’ll be fine on your own!’ Ha, as if. Just to spite her, Sollux wanted to find as much trouble as he could. But as he travelled through the lands, collecting coins from off the ground (which were apparently called Gold, and there was quite a lot of it) he couldn’t find anything to mess with.

The people of Snowdin were too kind for Sollux not to feel guilty about messing with and Waterfall barely had any residents to be rude to. However, Hotland was a different story.

Hotland was more populous than Snowdin and most definitely larger. There were many opportunities there, because where there were people, there was tech. So he floated around using his psiionics, making sure to collect a few cups of water from the cooler near the bridge. From a distance, he saw an opportunity. A guard, standing just in front of a stack of boxes. There was a big one at the very top; whoever stacked them was incredibly stupid. He concentrated and lifted it up, just before the guard. He wanted to freak them out, not maim.

All of a sudden, the prospect of joy he thought messing with the residents would bring him disappeared. His urge to spite Toriel diminished. In its place came a feeling of nervousness. He would get in trouble, wouldn’t he? He didn’t want to mess up his chance of getting back the surface. Maybe he shouldn’t do something that… Big.

Sollux set the box down next to the rest of them and settled for kicking a stone at the guard. The stone hit the guard's shin but guard didn’t notice and Sollux felt frustrated. When he was a little way aways from the guard, he picked up a slightly larger stone and threw at the guard's head. If they did notice, Sollux wouldn’t know it. Their armor obscured everything, but he at least expected a grunt or a ‘Who’s there?’ Anger bubbled up in Sollux’s chest and he flung another, bigger rock at the guard. No response.

“NOTITHE ME ALREADY!” he screamed.

Nothing.

“FUCK YOU!”

Still nothing.

Sollux realized he felt lonely. He was alone in a place he didn’t know anyone. No AA, no Feferi, no Terezi, no Karkat, no humans, no one. He directed his anger at John now. God, did he fucking hate that guy. He walked forward to nowhere in particular.

But then again, it wasn’t as if John had pushed him down the hole. No, that was all on Sollux, and he hated himself more than he hated John.

“Thtupid, thtupid, thtupid, thtupid, _thtupid_ ,” he muttered while he hit himself on the forehead. “ _Why am I tho thtupid?_ ”

“Well if you’re gonna beat yourself up, do it properly.” A foul-smelling, smoking roll of paper was thrown at his feet. Sollux looked up.

He was in front of a tall building. Whatever lights it had were turned off. There was a meowbeast-creature standing on their hindlegs. They were wearing a red shirt which looked like it belonged to the uniform and the same could be said for their equally red shorts. Their fur was orange-red and their face looked…. Irritated? Tired? Possibly both? Sollux understood that.

“What the fuck are you lookin’ at?” they said, more questioning than a hostile statement. “Is there something on my face?” A paw touched their cheek.

Sollux detected anxiety in their voice. He understood that as well. “No, jutht… I’ve never really theen anyone like you before.” He realized he was letting out his lisp. Welp, there goes the last shred of dignity he had.

“What? Never seen a monster before? Hard to believe, pal,” they stated, taking out another roll of paper and lighting it. The smell got stronger. What drug was this?

The troll huffed. “Well I’m not exthactly from here.” He crossed his arms.

The creature raised an eyebrow and took the roll away from his lips for a moment. “‘Here’ as in Hotland?”

“‘Here’ ath in Earth. I’m an alien, numbnutth.” He sparked psiionics briefly for proof. “I fell through that damn hole in the cave all the way back there.”

The creature scoffed. “No need for the hostility, ‘lithp’ boy.”

Sollux let out a growl and then felt a bit guilty. Damn him. He sat against the wall next to the creature. “Thorry, thorry. I’m jutht in a bad mood-”

“Aren’t we all."

“-and I’m completely alone and thcrewed over. Name’th Thollux. With an ‘s’.” He hissed the ‘s’ to make a point.

“Well then, Sssollux,” they teased, “I’m…” They seemed to realize something and averted their eyes.

“You’re what?” Sollux asked.

“Nevermind, man.”

Sollux rolled his eyes. “Dude, if I’m gonna hang out here, I need to at leatht know your name.”

“....ants”

“Huh?”

“...urgerpants…”

Sollux huffed. “Come again?”

“Burgerpants!” he shouted. “My… My name is… Burgerpants.”

The alien scoffed. “Not buying it. What’th your real name?”

‘Burgerpants’ curled up next to him, putting the roll in between his fingers (or claws?) and burying his face in his arms. “That doesn’t matter. Everyone calls me Burgerpants. Even when I tell them not to.”

Sighing, Sollux put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m not everyone, okay? I jutht got here. Tho either I’m leaving or you’re telling me your real name.”

“Fine. It’s Calvin. Happy, Sssollux?”

“Pfft, I could be better.” Sollux retracted his hand. “What’th with the thtupid get up?”

Calvin picked at his shirt. “This? It was for a job in the restaurant in the building, but when we were freed, I quit.”

“Freed?”

He nodded, taking the roll in his mouth again. “We were trapped down here for a while but we were freed pretty recently. But there’s this long-ass line to get out, so I’m just staying around until I can take this stupid shirt off without gettin’ yelled at.” Calvin picked at his shirt again. “I hate it here. Too damn hot.”

“Mmm,” Sollux hummed in agreement. “I have water. You want some?”

“Jesus fuck, yes, please,” he wheezed out. “M’ not allowed to take shit from the restaurant, especially since I ain’t an employee here anymore.”

Calvin took the cup and immediately brought it to his lips, neglecting to take the smoking roll out of his mouth. He drank it down in one gulp, and wiped his mouth on his arm. The cup was thrown to the ground and Calvin crushed it with his foot.

He let out a groan. “Oh my God, I hate here so baddd. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! Aughh, God, why doesn’t this place just fucking explode already!”

Sollux knew how Calvin felt. Everyday was a constant mantra of ‘I’m stressed and I hate it, I’m stressed and I hate it.’ He watched Calvin ‘attack’ the ground, pounding it with his fists and scratching at it.

His fit lasted a good three minutes and after that, he just lied down in front of Sollux, still smoking whatever he was smoking.

“What drug ith that?” he asked, feeling sort of stupid.

“Mmm, the best one there is. Marijuana, otherwise known as ‘pot’, ‘weed’, or weirdly ‘Mary Janes.’” He turned over to face Sollux. “You want one buddy?”

Sollux shrugged and took one, but didn’t light it up. “What doeth it do to you?”

“Ah, hmm. How do I explain this?” Calvin put his fist under his chin, thinking hard- at least that’s what it looked like. “It’s like… If you got real sleepy and started saying weirdshit. I mostly just sleep though. I smoked on the job and my boss didn’t even care.” Calvin breathed in deeply and then exhaled. “Oh, fuck, here.” He handed Sollux the lighter. “Forgot to give this to you, no use in smoking a blunt if you’re not even gonna light it.”

The troll took it from him and lighted one end with it. He put the other end in his mouth and breathed just like he saw Calvin do.

He coughed quite a bit on the exhale and Calvin snickered. “You okay, man?”

“Peachy,” Sollux retorted, but grinned. “We had thomething that had the thame effect on my planet. But you ate it instead of thmoking it. A friend of mine did it for a long, long time. Methed him up bad.” Sollux breathed in again and coughed less. He shrugged. “But I don’t really care. He was thort of a dick.”

“Oh, Christ, I thought you were gonna try and preach to me,” Calvin laughed.

“If I were gonna preach, do you think I’d be thmoking too?” Sollux said, keeping his grin.

He nudged Calvin with his elbow, and Calvin nudged him back. Then he leaned against Sollux, putting his head on his shoulder.

“Man, you know what?”

“Hm?”

“Let’s go fucking steal some glamburgers.”

Sollux burst out laughing, blunt falling on his lap. He put it in his mouth again and slung his arm around Calvin.

“I think I’m just gonna thtay down here a while. I like you better than I do the people I was with earlier.”

“Same here, man. Same here.”

**Author's Note:**

> imsorryimsorryimsorry  
> im writng another thing for this  
> yes this is a series


End file.
